Sep 04, 2008

Auntie Nolo's Favorite Legal Remarks

Jake Warner: Auntie Nolo, in your long, long life you've known just about everyone who ever said a funny thing about laws, courts and lawyers.

Auntie Nolo: Yup, I was cackling long before the Roman orator Cicero said "When your defense has no basis, abuse the plaintiff."

Jake Warner: So how about telling us your very favorite aphorisms?

Auntie Nolo: That's like asking me for a list of lawyers who exaggerate -- I could go on forever! But here are a few favorite thigh-slappers authored by my particular friends.

"Litigation is a machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage."
Ambrose Bierce

"After my first trial, I asked my daddy how I did. 'You have to guard against speaking more clearly than you think,' he replied."
Howard Baker, Jr.

"If you took all the laws and laid them end-to-end, there would be no end."
Mark Twain

"Lawyer: the only person in whom ignorance of the law is not punished."
Elbert Hubbard

"They call it the Halls of Justice because the only place you get justice is in the halls."
Lenny Bruce

"The law is like a killy-loo bird, a creature that insisted on flying backward because it didn't care where it was going but was mightily interested in where it had been."
Fred Rudell